Horrorscope-Your guide to the stars!!

Welcome gentle reader, Iam the psychic known as "the Great Baba Seesall" and Iam here to guide you through your weekly horrorscope! Enjoy...

Aries mar 21-apr 19
Your hot temper might get the better of you, so be calm.Take a warm bath, light some candles,close you eyes, and really focus. Remember, strangulation is illegal in all states and you really need to learn anger control.Get a life .Stop being a meanie pants.

Taurus apr 20-may 20
Your the bull.Your mostly full of bull.Your sign is the same name as a crappy grocery getter car.Dont be sad, theres always someone out there who will tolerate you.but not really.

Gemini may 21-jun 21
The twins are on a hot streak this month.So hot you could burst into flames at any moment.Bet on every sports book you can get a hold of.Pay no mind to odds.Odds are for bed wetting thumbsuckers .Disregard all that poo from your friends about being a degenerate gambler.Its true, but who cares?

Cancer jun 22-jul 22
Ahh cancer.Although your sign is a freakin sinister disease, fear not.The whole world knows not your ultimate coolness.Being the MOST psychic sign, most confuse your great power with witchcraft.Most people forget where they park their car, and you just look skyward and BINGO.You get clipped in the parking lot because your dumb ass is looking up intsead of at the Taurus bearing down on you.Leave the psychic crap at home, and pay attention.High on.

Virgo aug23-sep22
Virgins.Some cultures believe that virgins await you in the afterlife.Heres the scoop Habib.There arent any virgins.You need a bath.Your breath stinks.Get over your hangups and shave.Consider deodorant.You know who you are.Everyone who doesnt understand yet, simply laugh at the other Virgo's wandering around.They will wonder what your up to, and that can be real fun.

Libra sep23-oct22
Ever vigelant Libra.You guys are a real piece of work.The stars have aligned and your prime right now.Always fair, always just, always balanced, you guys are like an overachieveing cousin that your mom always compares you to when she wants to tell you your a lazy piece of crap.PLEASE, get in some trouble or something and give us all a break!Pollyanna sonzabishes!

Scorpio sep23-oct22
Scorpio, dont be sad.You got your little stinger slapped and now your cranky.Face it, your bottom lip has been firmly placed on your chin for two days now and everyone is getting tired of the woe is me stuff.Man up, pick yourself up and go pick on someone smaller than you.Snap a friend in the ass with a wet bath towel or something.

Sagittarius nov22-dec21
Sagittarius, get ready! Your time is coming! In about 2 weeks or so, your luck will be unbelieveable and everything will go your way.Stuff your guts when you go to Aunt Tee-Tee's house on thanksgiving,try not to slip into a food induced coma and kick your nephews ass at Boggle, or whatever you do to stay awake after dinner.Enjoy it while you can, December 22nd, a black hole will open in your basement and suck you into space removing all traces of you from earth.

Crapricorn dec22-jan19
All I can say for you is....FABULOUS.With your Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue firmly in hand and your fun stick in the other, you should spend your time in your bedroom.Or the closet..NO WAY!!! Go to the mall, get a pedi, watch Will & Grace , and click your tongue in disgust at the nasty people who just dont get it.And stay away from mean lesbians and teenage guys in groups larger than 2.

Aquarius jan20-feb18
Heres the low down for you water boy.Save your energy and focus.This saturday will represent the LAST TWO for this year.You know who you are.You will be my Bocce bitch, I have seen it.I will firmly spank that ass.Ask your sisiter about it.Shes getting whupped as well.Dont bother conspiring with her, she just wants to use you as a means to satisfy her own nefarious end.One other thing, dont trust anyone with a bald ass head.Your the shiznit, have my baby.

Pisces feb19-mar20
One night only!! The Jagov County fair and petunia festival!! He walks like a man, but drinks like a fish, he's FISHBOY.I need to scratch.Scratching is fun.Smell my finger.Dont leave the house Pisces.Large men you owe money to are looking for you.They wanna give you hugs.