Taxes,hookers and beers.

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Taxes. Everyone pays em at one time or another I reckon. Can anyone think of anything that makes you tight in the chest like a letter from the I R S. Not to imply that everyone is a cheat or anything of that sort, but what if you overlooked something or got a bad tip or your Tax Preparation guy was free basing drain cleaner? That little trip could cost you some bucko's when the I R S gets around to locating your mistake..and believe me..they will find it. For instance; Dear Mr.Ellis .....our recent review of your 2006 tax return shows you owe $93.65 in back taxes. PLUS a small penalty of ... and interest amounting to ....for a total of $2238.90.Please pay immediately.Appropriately, they include the payment plan application. Most of us would rather fork over a kidney or a gallon of blood to these tax "vampire" agents of the man. "Please take my only child...he eats to much anyway...".That never works, besides they would probably train the brat to collect and audit. All kidding aside, you folks at the I R S have a tough job to do. Its rough having to earn your living by taking pennies away from the lower 98% of us who control less than 1% of the total wealth in the country. Karma is a wonderful thing, no?
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Hookers. Let me speak for a moment about hookers. These integral parts of society provide a beneficial service to the common man. Not only do they provide educational services, they also provide immediate stress relief, physical therapy, marriage counseling, they also stimulate the economy of the local areas they do business in. I know what your thinking, what about the moral implications..blah,blah,blah..whatever. I dont care. These people gotta eat to. The fact that they are disposable in the eyes of anyone who is a psychopath anyway, doesnt reflect on the satisfaction that random nameless sex with someone provides. Being happily married I havent partaken in hooker sex in some time now, but the fire still burns. Lets admit it folks, we all succumb to our base animal instincts some times, and hookers provide an outlet for such primal exercises. And another thing, what would I have to do on my yearly trips to the Milwaukee area if I didnt have hookers to stalk and harass and do incredibly unnatural things to. It just wouldnt be the same. What would a roadside trucker chapel be without a dead hooker stuffed under the trailers skirting? What, I ask you?
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Finally, beers. Beers are so deeply entwined in this world, a world without beer is like Punch without Judy. Abbott without Costello. Outdoor restrooms without flies. Trucker chapels without dead hookers. Beer varies in flavor, viscosity, color, ingredients and origin. Have you ever met someone who hasnt acquired the taste of good beer. They sip a drink and then their face all prunes up and the "bitter aftertaste" takes affect on their weak and pathetic palates. These people could find fault in anything. "I dont like beer", they say. "Your a thumb sucking bed wetter", I say. Lets get them a sippy cup full of apple juice and a saltine cracker, so they can manage to gain sustenance that wont offend their precious little mouth. Grow up. I will call these people "beer pussies" from this day forward. Far be it from me to judge, but Im gonna. these people make me sick. They have never enjoyed white beer, or dark beer, ale, light beer, fruity beer, wheat beer ( my personal fave) or any other of the MULTITUDE of beverages offered that make up what is beer. Let us all shun the beer pussy and cast them into volcanoes as offering to the gods, after which we shall all get sloppy drunk and recall days of tailgate past when so and so pulled the funniest digger, or the guy who was physically removed from Camp Randall for cascading beer puke down 16 rows of seats after 7 hours of beer pong, or the guy next to you who keeps nodding off during the best game of the season because he's near death from ethyl alcohol poisoning. Just take his popcorn, whistle for the ushers and keep on yelling "GO GREEN ", "GO WHITE". and for gods sake....never, ever, ever let the bastards get you down...ever.